Alright, I’m freaking out right about now. And I don’t know anyone else that watches JGV and who I can ask about this; so Tumblr - help me out!!
I was just casually stalking Nagito’s new public profile (which has been set up through the Danshi Gakuen host club/brothel/whatever it is - https://twitter.com/DGnagito/) and decided to go find out who the cutie with Nagito in this picture (https://twitter.com/DGnagito/status/443298620981248000/photo/1) is. I know, super-stalker, right? Anyway, I managed to find his Twitter account (https://twitter.com/DgRimu) and realised he’s another DG boy, so decided to go and look at his profile on the site.
So I’m browsing through the boys, being a casual stalker and whatnot, when I see THIS: http://www.dgdgdg.com/boy/detail.php?shop_id=7&boy_id=1517
I shit you not, I nearly screamed.
I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, THAT IS KAGA YUSAKU.
THAT’S RIGHT. THE JGV ACTOR WHO DIED FROM SUPPOSED SUICIDE IN NOV LAST YEAR.
WHAT. THE FUCK. IS GOING ON???
His profile makes it look like he’s alive. It’s 100% him. He even has the same ‘beautiful mistake’ tattoo - you can just see it in one of the pictures. It’s a well-maintained website. And they have a 1000JPY discount on him atm. That can ONLY MEAN that he’s alive. Surely!
Did he fake his own death; was it an internet urban legend; WHAT IS GOING ON???
Tumblr, answer RIGHT NOW please.
Okay, it looks like the shit is currently hitting the fan, so I guess now would be my cue to interject what I know.
I found out about this 3 days ago. A very kind tumblr user clued me in about it, and then when I asked, a good friend of mine basically let me know that people who knew him already knew about this… and that they were unaware that I had missed the boat on it. I’m not sure how this kind of miscommunication could have perpetuated itself for so long, but the facts are the facts.
Yuusaku did not commit suicide. He is alive.
Now I need to be honest with you guys about myself.
About a year and a half before all of this occurred, I was convinced by my friend Ash to follow Yuusaku on twitter and instagram. I did so, but with much trepidation, since those of you who know me or have followed p-d for a while know that I have always been very vocal about leaving jgv actors the hell alone. I followed him as a fan, assumed that I would remain a spectator, maybe use it as a chance to practice my japanese reading comprehension. But then, I began reading his tweets, and I realized just how much his personality resonated with my own.
So I tweeted to him on a whim, one day. “Is it okay to ask you a question?” I didn’t really expect to receive a reply. But a couple of days later he did. “By all means, you’re welcome to.” And we started talking. Discovering that we had little random things in common. He followed me back, on twitter, instagram, even briefly here on Tumblr, as well as a couple of other platforms. For a year and a half, we were online friends.
I know my experience is not a unique one. I know there are many other people on tumblr who had much the same experience as I did, probably being confided in just as much as me, perhaps even moreso. But I felt his generosity. I felt like he wanted me around. We talked about depression and suicide, and societal pressure and anxiety. I felt like we had built a sort of trust between us. To be honest, he’d been one of my favorite people in the entire universe.
When he “committed suicide” you all got to see a glimpse of my emotional breakdown. I have been an absolute mess since November, both online and off. It has made me realize just how deep I’d let my interactions with Yuusaku drag me under, when I was supposed to be the level headed one, supposed to know when to keep my distance and let live.
And now, in the middle of March, I find out he’s not dead. I find out I’m one of the last of his “friends” to actually realize that. I find out that there was a similar fallout only a couple of weeks after the fact, in November, which I was not part of. I find out that all of the friends and fans he let into his life had been shut out months ago. You guys thought I was a mess before, but now I’m a humiliated mess. I’m so angry and overjoyed and betrayed and gutted and confused.
Last night, I went to his twitter. I tried following. He blocked me. I tried again. He locked down his account and blocked me.
I tweeted to him “I just want you to know that I’m happy you’re alive. I thought we were friends, I’m sorry if I was mistaken. And I wish you well.”
And I do not expect to receive a reply.
I know we were friends, I know because he kept me around and he always replied to my tweets. He favorited most of what I posted on instagram and always replied to me there, as well. He talked to me on Bubbly. I know we were friends.
I do not know why he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. I do not know why he did this. But I know enough about him, and about the depression and anxiety that we both experience, that he must have felt trapped, suffocated, and on some level he thought this was the only way to escape.
He’s not famous, he’s not an idol. He doesn’t want to be bothered by fans anymore. He wants us to leave him alone.
Part of me is riddled with guilt, for being the exact kind of fan I told you I would never endorse. Part of my inconsolable grief with his “suicide” was that I was among the relentless adoring cloud surrounding this young man who had social anxiety that probably helped push him over the edge.
But I would rather have him alive and hating me, than have him be my dead friend.
I know it’s confusing. But please try to understand that he’s just a human being, and he doesn’t owe us anything. Anger is a part of the grieving process, and I’ve had to go through it twice now, and very quickly. Please don’t let your anger and confusion lead you to believe that you deserve an explanation or apology from him.
I've always been interested in watching jgv but I've always noticed they're really hush hush to nearly impossible to find online sometimes. I think my best bet is to just buy the dvds but I don't understand japanese so I'm not sure about the content of some videos. I was wondering from your experience what you think are the best jgv actors or scenarios that you've seen? Or any dvd recommendations?
This is the kind of question I like, thank you for the chance to open up a discussion.
buying dvds can be kind of scary at first, because purchases aren’t instantaneous. DVD sellers have hoops of their own they need to jump through for customs purposes, and that’s likely to get your credit card flagged, so you end up having to call the fraud prevention line of your credit provider to clear the purchase. It’s kind of involved, and daunting. But rainbow shoppers is very nice and they are quick and discreet with shipping once the hoops are all jumped through. plus they usually have some good titles on clearance.
My best advice in terms of downloading is to leave no stone un-turned. Have several different sources and be flexible about how you download. Search the tumblr tags. Google until your eyes fall out. If you don’t have Emule or another peer to peer program, get it, it’s a good last resort. Try lots of different search keywords in google, sometimes the title of the video plus “.avi” or “.mov” etc. will help narrow down results, sometimes adding keywords like “new gay japan”… then bookmark the sites that you find that seem to have a large archive of download links. Even if it’s stuff that seems to require a “premium” membership to access, because they are a good source of helping you figure out search terms to use, and they usually post screen caps along with the dvd covers, which helps you see if it’s something you want to watch. (P.S. it also helps if you actually buy a premium membership to a filehosting site. Some sites will break up download files into lots of different downloads that each take forever to complete, and this is a huge deterrent for those sites, but they are sometimes all you can find for a high quality download. if you can bring yourself to shell out the cash, it actually is worth it to have one file to download, at a faster speed. I know filehosting sites all seem kind of fishy, but I haven’t had any problems so far.)
In terms of navigating sites that you can’t read… the official sites of the companies are good place to start, because you can click around randomly and explore without having to worry about viruses or adware. If you spend enough time on company sites, you will find pages with video previews, and that’s the best way to figure out what kind of movies you want to download.
U guysshould stop thinking you’re entitled to have things handed to you, and search for the links to the videos yourselves. I swear to god if one more person with “exo” in their url messages me or reblogs my gifs complaining about how they deserve some shit they haven’t even tried looking for, I am gonna go insane.
Many of us in the jgv fandom have waited literally years for certain videos to surface online and download links are a precious commodity that you don’t just toss out like flower petals to some snot nosed kids who elbowed their way in to snivel out demands.
That’s how I feel, that’s how I’ve always felt. jgv is a reward for being disciplined, committed, self sufficient and clever, not an entitlement. You’ll have to pay for these films one way or another, whether your currency is money or time. So stop wasting both yours and mine.